Monday, May 24, 2010

one week down

I don't hate the military
I just hate that my husband wants to be apart of it.
For completely selfish reasons.
I just want my husband focused on my family.
Not on yours, no offense.
You have a great family.
I want you to be safe.
I want you to have freedoms.
I'd like everyone in the world to have that.
But I'm tired of my husband being one of the people making it possible.
I want him at my kids soccer games.
I want him to tuck my kids in bed more.
To have him read more books.
And change more diapers.
Eat more dinners at home.
Be my husband again.
I'm not supposed to feel this way.
I am a military wife after all.
We're supposed to be unselfish.
Brave.
Strong.
Independent.
I'm tired of being those things.
I'm tired of answering the question of how do I do it.
Because I don't.
I cry a lot.
But not in front of the kids.
I get mad a lot.
And frustrated.
And overwhelmed.
In front of the kids.
I'm working on that.
But I'll still pretend.
To be unselfish.
Brave.
Strong.
Independent.
For the love I have for my kids.
And Soldier.



(I just have to add that even though I can't be mad about this deployment, no I really can't, I love that my sister-in-laws are mad for me- it makes me smile)

11 comments:

Life Is Good said...

We are mad too ;)

mckenzie said...

We have thought about Mike doing medical school through the military, and all I can say is that you are brave!
p.s. I'll be mad too.

Jana said...

We will keep being mad, I have never understood that brother of mine, but am proud that he is very brave and strong and all that he has done, and also very proud of all that you have done.

Steph Wynder said...

We are proud of Gary - it is just hard to understand how he could be away from you and those CUTE kids so much! Just remember we are always more than willing to help with the kids and whatever else you need!!!!

Hall Fam said...

janae you are brave and strong. i know it's hard. i got a little glimpse of what it's like and it's ok to be mad and frustrated! i love ya!

courtney said...

count me in as mad! but also thankful for people like him...and you :)

Carolyn said...

You know I am bugged for you! I love you!

Yo Momma Lindsey said...

you=totally justified

Tiffany said...

All I can say JaNae is that I love you and I'm sorry. This too shall pass. And you have every right to be frustrated, mad, and overwhelmed. I will pray that this year goes fast for you guys.

JaNae said...

thanks girls! I really can't be mad because this is what the husband really wants & I'm being supportive. plus I'm reserving my anger for other issues. But knowing that all of you will be mad for me really cheers my day :D
thanks for all the love & support!

Melissa said...

Oh JaNae. What can I say about the military? It makes family life hard. You ARE amazing. We love you!!