The husband is coming home soon for a short visit before he is shipped off to lands unknown to live out his dreams of being the greatest american hero ;) While he is here we are getting family photos taken. And I am stressed! I seriously have been losing sleep over this. I want everything to be so perfect; do I have the best shoes? is Lily's dress too dressy? should I cut Niels' hair? why doesn't money grow on trees so I can buy that Emerson Made flower I want? do we have too many patterns going on? & etc.
Yesterday at 3 am tossing and turning thinking about all this I was convinced I had gone insane, they are family photo's for heaven's sake. I kept telling myself to remember last years thrown together last minute photo & it's one of my favorites. Why couldn't I just chill?
Then today it came to me
while getting good mom advice
it didn't hit me like a ton of bricks more like a slow snowfall
this could be our last
our last family photo, our last family time, our last hug, our last kiss.
The husband and I have had many long talks about this, mostly dominated by joking & sarcasm. And of course when I talk about it I laugh and tease and joke to the shock & horror of whom ever I am talking to. But that's how I've dealt with this cloud over my head that was attached the minute the husband slipped the ring on my finger.
And now, who knows why (pms?) the tears won't stop.
I feel incredibly silly about it. I mean the husband is still around, and the statistics say he's more likely to be killed on the freeway than where he's going.
it happens & I think I'm a little scared