It's been two weeks since the husband left. And a little less than two weeks since he's been in the field. It's gone by faster than I thought. I'm grateful he left when he did. Because it only gave me a week before the start of school, soccer & all sorts of craziness that comes with this time of year.
But that first week, well, that was the hardest week I've ever had out of anytime he's ever gone away. It was this week times ten. Any mention or thought of where he is & my stomach did somersaults. It was like my insides were having their own personal gymnastics meet. It was getting irritating. I thought "this can not possibly go on the whole time!" Luckily it's calming down.
Although I have been avoiding the car. At home I'm kept unaware of anything except cleaning up after kids, listening to kids, keeping track of kids, organizing kids, kids etc. Also I get to distract myself with books, blogs & the lovely, coma inducing television. But the car is when the kids, if I have them & after a few moments of doing their best to annoy each other, are silent, lost in their own thoughts. And that's when I get trapped by mine, all the horrible things that could happen & all the things I shouldn't be thinking about and then my insides are playing double dutch & I can't hold back the tears.
It's funny because I was a car wreck the week before the husband came home for his visit. While he was home I was good. Then the week after I was a 40 car pile up. I couldn't believe it. Before all this I had myself convinced I was wonder woman, by my own doing. But I realize now a lot of my strength comes from him. (which really does nothing for my super human image)
I've gotten a few emails from him and just yesterday he called for the first time. The 2nd email I got (the first one only reading - I'M HERE!) made me laugh out loud. Not that it was funny or anything but because you could feel the excitement and happiness he was feeling. It makes me smile to think of him over there, working his tail off, hardly getting any sleep, in the hot hot arid heat, knowing he is completely and absolutely in his element. This is what he has been waiting and training for his whole life!
And while I sit at home and do my best to make it through another day. I am able to smile because I know he is having the time of his life. He is doing what he was born to do. And then because I love him so much & I know he loves me the same, I am strong again- I am wonder woman.
photo by Heather Mildenstein of the coterie blog
(ps favorite photo of all time!)